No seriously. I don't mind being depressed. I get sad and lonely and I realize how everything's going wrong yet there's nothing we can do about it and how I can never ever do what I want to at any point in time, which makes me depressed. While its a sad thing and I hate the feeling sometimes, I feel less empty this way. & I hate the feeling of emptiness.

Maybe I'm fine with feeling sad, just not lonely. I've been isolating myself from others lately because I enjoy being alone but when it gets too excessive (like when I don't even talk much to my mates) (or when I see myself going everywhere alone most of the time) or when I don't have anybody to share my thoughts with, I feel... sad. I'm confused because I don't know whether I like it or not.


I'll write something better when I know how to put it into words properly. I hate it when this happens. Forget it, I don't have the urge to write all of a sudden. Too many things going on, no idea how to express them cause they're too contradictory and... this just sucks.

I find myself wanting to talk to people like me. People complicated and emotional and cynical what people call slightly strange. I just don't know how to. Not because I want to understand them but... I don't know why.

I don't know how I'm feeling. I don't even feel like talking to anybody about it now. Or maybe I want to. But who? and when?